Are You Ready?

Football season is back!! LOVE to watch pro football. It is the only sport I follow. Not a follower of college ball. I didn’t go to a university with a popular-conference team. Although, many years after graduation, they did make it to a bowl game. However, how hard is it any more to get into a bowl game? There are a million of them. I know that there weren’t that many when I was growing up. Now, every snack item, fruit, drink, product, company has a bowl game. Who decided that 5 or 6 solid days of college ball was the way to ring in the new year?? I missed that on the voting ballot.

Back to pro ball. My team is sucking so far this year. They have so many young, talented players with SO many offensive options EVERY play!! It is very disheartening and discouraging. I agree with the D.J. on the radio who said today, “I won’t have any finger nails left after this Sunday!”. I need to plan to eat some queso dip and nap. That is about the only way to stay sane right now with a 0-2 start to the prestigious season. I tend to yell at the television, which is not even productive and makes the dogs run and hide. I think we need a new coach. Oh, as if we haven’t had plenty of those in the last 15 years. SIGH. But, I am a fan and will continue to cheer them on. I am way too connected to their wins and loses. It is like when my child was pitching. EEK!! I was more nervous than my kid! I sometimes just have to NOT watch.

Candy, no?

Is it okay to eat candy corn before 10:00 a.m.? See, I think it is. I also think it is okay to eat ice cream before noon (no, I am not eating ice cream in the morning, but hey, I give you all permission). I think that when several items are pressed upon you to complete ALL AT ONCE and your most endearing workmate is calling you ‘sister wife’ all morning (do not worry she knows who she is), you are allowed to eat candy corn at any given time. I know, I know. There are TONS more luscious candies out there beside CC, but it is FALL (refer to earlier blog) and CC fits the mood. I only had 5 pieces.
One year, I brought out a Pottery Barn vase that we’d received as a Christmas present one year (love it!) and filled it with candy corn and Indian corn (YES, that is the name of it from the manufacturer, don’t get all ‘you’re not being PC’ on me) alternately for decoration. It was really pretty on the kitchen counter and I did not eat a one. However, a good friend of ours kept dipping into them when visiting…..even though I mentioned that they were for decoration. Guess that shows how well they hold up over time! Oh, and as a kid, one of the first prizes that I won was a cake walk at the Halloween carnival. I chose the chocolate one with the pumpkins and candy corn trim!! Go Autumn Mix!! Who says “Autumn” anymore???
I browsed the Halloween candy isle to see what treats they have in store this year. Candy is EXPENSIVE! I have to buy 10 to 12 bags of candy for the trick or treators that swarm our hood. I will have to start buying early in order to not feel the financial strain all at once! Luckily, no eggs are needed in the creation on Halloween candy. Can you imagine the chaos? Again, thanks Iowa. Tons of new Wonka candies out there, btw. I didn’t realize that Charlie had reopened the factory after all these years (since the 1970’s!).

Let’s Talk About Pets, Baby

If you got that the title of this blog is a play off of a song from back in da day, you’re cool! :`). My pets are so cuddly and cute and love it when they lay in my lap, but they are the last ones. Yep, after these two go to Doggy Heaven (which I have been assured they do via a cartoon from back da day, too!), no more pets. The newer one is way too up-chucky and I don’t like to have to worry about their care when we travel. Not that we travel much, which I would like to remedy, but still. It is a hassle and costly. I could actually GO on a decent trip for the money I spend on their care each year. Not to mention the extra costs incurred due to illness (yes, the perfect little bday present had skin cancer, bless his little heart!).

I love animals of all kinds, especially dogs. But I look forward to the day of not hearing the pitter-patter of little feet. They chew wires and toilet paper and Kleenex and carpet and rugs and dirty clothes. It is like living with big rodents. They don’t do this all of the time; it is random sneak attacks. Just out of the blue, they decide to revert to cave-dog attitudes. And they are very overweight (as is their owner); we are too lazy to take them for daily walks, let alone twice a day! They chase each other around the house and up and down the stairs; you would think that was enough. They do not like diet dog food – can’t blame them – and we do really well in not feeding them people-food.

ALTHOUGH, they do tend to find all kinds of snacks and tidbits in the teen’s purse, bookbag, bedroom, couch cushions, etc….they are like Templeton the Rat in “Charlotte’s Web”. So they are kinda on the same two-year's to go timeframe that the rest of the household is counting down. Bless the teen's heart! The elder of the pets is extremely resourceful and can eat just about anything. We think he is part goat. Ice cream sanwiches seemed to be the only thing to take him down. I discovered what he'd eaten by the tiny cows I could JUST see in the mess I was cleaning up. He likes Harry & David chocolate covered cherries, too. He likes them so much, that he stole an 8 oz bag of blueberries and hid them in the far upstairs bedroom where no one dares to tread. He hid them in the lower section of the trundle bed. Who says dogs aren't smart? He also hid a beautifully wrapped and decorated sugar cookie (it was a wedding favor that the child of 11 had been planning to eat) in the cushion area of the recliner. Quite the little deviant, no?

Where’s My Sanity?

Sanity, oh sanity! Wherefore art thou, sanity?? Oh, yes, that’s right. I totally forgot. My almost-seventeen-year-old has driven you away. Gray hairs are flowing in as well. It isn’t fair! Life used to be so easy. Although, I hear that when you sanity COMPLETELY goes, you don’t even realize it. I am in the novacane has not kicked in yet stage, I suppose. Where is the Calgon? Take me away! Trying to juggle work, home, child-rearing, dog-rearing, pay bills, shop, cooking & cleaning up, laundry, remember birthdays and send cards & presents as needed is OVERWHELMING. I used to enjoy life. Now it is just a CHORE. Is there any way to get the joy back?

Now it is fall and time to decorate the house for the wonderful changing of the season. Oh, right, this is TX. The leaves might not even change! Sometimes it is cold on Halloween and sometimes it is burning up. That is why I have a Halloween sweater and a Halloween t-shirt. Never know which one to wear! I don’t even want to THINK about November and December. We have so many birthdays in those two months, it is as bad as not shuffling the cards well after the first round of the card game, War, and all of the aces and kings are all bunched up together. I am all for just sending money or gift cards. Not because I don’t like to shop (heaven forbid you should think that of me!) but because it is hard to ship everything or get the right item. The girls are easy to buy for; the boys are the difficult ones. All of the boy toys (no, this is not another Madonna reference) are very expensive. One game is the cost of two presents! I am not a Hilton or a Rockefeller. Would be nice, wouldn’t it??

Reminds me, I didn’t know that the Hiltons had sold their hotels. Guess the parents were worried about their offspring and the name-brand value possible decline. Get while the gettin’s good!! HA!

Sorry, tangent. Back to Christmas. The list of what to buy for whom continues to grow and yet I am not sure how. My child only wants expensive stuff so that limits what I will buy for said child. At this time, my ROI in said child is slim pickings so why would I stuff a bunch of bling in a stocking? Coal is looking mighty good right about now! Through all of this pain are the many social events of the season that only remind me that I am huge and completely out of size proportion with the real world. And have to wear heels!! Do NOT get me started on that topic. By the time an event is over, I can’t feel my toes.

I am working out but there won’t be any difference if I don’t stop going through the drive-thru’s (see previous blog entry that has been totally ignored by the author) and eating chocolate and drinking cokes at work. On the weekends, I don’t inhale food, just while at work. Another good argument for working remotely……

Again, has anyone seen the Calgon??

FA Breeze Man!

Do us all a favor and do not spray heavily perfumed sprays into the office air! We are always freezing up here and that is due to the great circulation of air via all of these air vents. And guess what?? The spray CARRIES quickly! It is rather unnerving because just think how fast OTHER airborne things must flow! Heaven help us.

Now, I do wish the restrooms had a nice ventilation system and had spray in there. That would be greatly appreciated. The restroom situation is truly worth allowing us to work from home.

The Door to Door to Door People

I think I was in a Dr. Sueuss novel…..In a recent doctor office visit to a new doctor, I witnessed total consummation of reality and childhood story book!

Sitting in a hall, chair against the wall, I found many travelers having a ball!
They would travel here and there and everywhere.
From door to door to door they go! How do they not step on each others’ toes?
Not five minutes it seemed to me that they would be.
Then they would leave one place to walk through to another space!
The traffic pattern was amazing! I could not help but continue gazing!
How does the front desk lady know? The timers chime and it is time to go!

I WANT MY WE

You know, I pay a lot for my HD Digital television service. And I watch T.V. all of the time. I work hard. I deserve to be treated well by my provider. We is gone. Yes, the wonderful channel that boasts “Bridezillas”. Now, you are saying to yourself, ‘Why do you watch that type of show?’ I am here to tell you that I love it. It is quite redneck and white trash and keeps me grounded.
See, much of one side of my family would be suitable for that show. They and their many generations roughly 16 years apart would! I have climbed the mountain, but must remember the valley. So I watch it and recall that it is a slippery slope my friends, a very slippery slope. Also, some of the peeps on the show are way beyond anything I could imagine and most Hollywood writers could not make up. This in itself is worth the hour of time. Marathons of the show are the best! Thank goodness for the DVR. It is nice to be able to skip the commercials, and it is a great show to do the elliptical to; makes the time fly! I really like it when the weddings are in this area. That cracks me up! My favorite, though, is the one in Oklahoma when a tornado was coming. Outdoor wedding with no backup plan, of course! Rain on everything and everyone, including the food. And all the “décor” (I use that word very loosely here) blew over. I know that rain is supposed to foretell of a beautiful marriage, but I don’t think a tornado does. I think that tornado was QUITE the premonition.
Speaking of which, “Premonition” is a good movie. A good Sandra Bullock dramatic role. If you haven’t seen it, you need to rent it. Bullock was great in “28 Days” (not the scary movie, the rehab movie) and should have won an Oscar for that role instead of for the football movie. The football movie was great, but anyone could have played her role and Tim McGraw’s role. Love ‘em both but the two kids were the better roles.

Medical Research

Don’t get all excited. I didn’t grow a scientific brain overnight and heading back to school. I am referring to medical research via the Web. This is dangerous!
I hurt my wrist last week and for five days, it continues to hurt. I think it is a sprain but have no clue what I did to it nor how to fix it. And, unfortunately, I make my living using both of my hands. Ibuprofin was not working, so I decide to skip the doctor’s visit and do a self-check up online. BIG MISTAKE. The types of sprains were so scary that I am now in denial of any pain. Pain, what pain? Aleve is fine…….oh, that little jerk whenever I bend my wrist to type, oh no, that’s nothing. Have you researched symptoms and cures online? OMG! We might as well just call Kavorkian right now. And one symptom leads to links to research others…….I think I am about ready for the walk into the woods all alone (reference to Native American tradition of just going off to die; I saw it in a couple of movies, so it must be true, right?).
Forget about anything remotely minor. These sites will scare you into guzzling cough syrup. Oh, and that will probably have horrible after-effects too! No way to win.
As for the wrist, I tried a few of the “help tips”. They are not working, but it is feeling much better on its own. I think the cause was having to carry all the breakfast cooking items from 3 miles away, on foot, all on my own, that did it. Pretty sure. I’d put money on it. Now, for the rash on my calves, per the online stuff, I have malaria or Ganges River disease.