Oh yes, we had The Great Debate today in our house. Um, ya. I am glad my husband doesn’t have knowledge of my blog, because this one is all on him! First, let me explain.
The teenager doesn’t really talk to the dad. This is a situation that began a few years ago and continues to grow, like the vines in “The Ruins” (BTW, the book was good but the movie was kinda sucky). This is more than likely a result from the fact that, A. The child has always been a mama’s child, and B. They are exactly alike. The polar magnetic forces of pushing two alike ends together = repelling, is in play. Attempts are always made for conversation, but they are usually meet with a kohl-lined stare. Anyhoo.....
Spouse turns on the television in the late afternoon. The last station watched had NFL on it; the station now lands on Nick. This means that either the DVR was playing with itself (he he) or Teenager came out of the Golum cave (that’s not fair; it is NOT that dark and messy…..) to enjoy television in the main common area of the house a.k.a. The Family Room. The show that was on was “Hannah Montana”.
Now, we have a dilemma here. Turn it and never mention it (please, please, she is singing; please turn it), or let’s ask the child what she was watching and why. HMMMMM. Which do YOU think Spouse did? DING DING DING! You are correct!
Spouse begins speaking to the upstairs area………“Hey, do you watch Hannah Montana? Is her name Hannah or is it Miley Cirus?” Crickets. “I thought it was Miley.” Crickets. “I thought she was kicked off that show? Is it still on?” Reminded me of the “Is it live, or is it Memorex?” commercials from the 80’s.
I had to interject. “Um, those are reruns.” Which Teen echoed “THOSE ARE RERUNS”. And, no, Teen did not fess up to actually watching the show. But Teen does. And that’s okay.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Court Date
Went to the court today to take care of the two tickets (see previous entry). The second ticket was not in the system, so after taking an hour out of my day, we have to go back to the courthouse in a week, to then schedule the time to meet with the judge. Yes, folks, THIS is what happens to a 16-year-old with two tickets in two weeks’ time with less than a year on the road. At that appearance, we will find out how much the final fines are and/or if Teen can take Driver’s Safety Course (they no longer refer to it as Defensive Driving). By the time this is over, I will have been in this courthouse more times than I’ve served jury duty!
Does This Shoe Match My Stripes?
Sometimes in life, you just have to say what the……..
THAT is from Risky Business. It totally applies to my day. I’ve addressed in the past that my one and only child will be the reason for all of my gray hairs. And today just reiterates that fact.
Let’s set the stage properly. Two weeks ago, said child got a ticket. Having been driving for less than a year, this requires a HUGE amount of work to take care of rather than the traditional "pay it at the window or take defensive driving" scenario. Teen rolled through a stop sign, in the boonies. Teen did NOT run a stop sign, just did a nice California stop and was caught. This was the first time Teen had been pulled over, and it was late without any other traffic around. I would think a warning would suffice. Well, once I looked up the amount of the fine…..HUGE ($217), the reason for the citation made total sense - cha ching! So, we have one ticket.
Got that? One.
Knowing that we have to get to the courthouse and find out how to take care of ticket number one, and schedule that trip around school, work, part-time work, doctor’s visits, etc, Teen gets ANOTHER TICKET. Oh, there’s a story there, too, Truvy.
Teen was going five over in a school zone.
And the call I got from Teen was so disturbing. Teen never cries, not ever. In sad movies, I try to find tears. If a softball smacks Teen in the chin, still no tears. Crying is rare. So, a bawling Teen on the phone at the same time school is starting was very unnerving. I couldn’t understand one word. I thought, “Uh oh. This is it. There’s been an accident.”
As I started to pack up my laptop to race out of the building, I finally understood four words……
“I (sob) got (sob) a (sob) ticket (SOB)!”
Um, what?
Did we NOT just GET a ticket two weeks ago? Like, to the day? What did they teach you in that $300 driving school anyway??
BUT WAIT! It gets better!
Why, oh why, would Teen be speeding in a school zone? Teen drives to school every day. Well, folks, it is like this. Teen was on a road that was foreign:
“See, I just turned onto Roadway (not the street’s real name, to protect the innocent) out of the school parking lot. I didn’t see any signs that it was a school zone until I started speeding up. I saw the sign and started to slow down, and that is when I got pulled over. Mom, I just started crying! And he got mad at me for crying.”
“What were you doing leaving the school?”
“I got to campus and realized………..”
WAIT FOR IT………..
“I only had one shoe.”
WTH??
“What? One shoe? Why did you not have a shoe? Did you drive barefoot?” as I raced into a conference room to finish this conversation. Fear of the worst was now being replaced with incredulity.
“I thought my shoes where in the car, but only one was!”
“There are TWO pairs of shoes RIGHT BY THE KITCHEN DOOR you walked through to get to your car!”
So, now there are TWO tickets to take care of; Teen has to pay for them and the increase in insurance. I have had two tickets in my entire driving career! No telling what happens to a 16-year-old with two tickets in two weeks’ time with less than a year on the road……
Stay Tuned!
THAT is from Risky Business. It totally applies to my day. I’ve addressed in the past that my one and only child will be the reason for all of my gray hairs. And today just reiterates that fact.
Let’s set the stage properly. Two weeks ago, said child got a ticket. Having been driving for less than a year, this requires a HUGE amount of work to take care of rather than the traditional "pay it at the window or take defensive driving" scenario. Teen rolled through a stop sign, in the boonies. Teen did NOT run a stop sign, just did a nice California stop and was caught. This was the first time Teen had been pulled over, and it was late without any other traffic around. I would think a warning would suffice. Well, once I looked up the amount of the fine…..HUGE ($217), the reason for the citation made total sense - cha ching! So, we have one ticket.
Got that? One.
Knowing that we have to get to the courthouse and find out how to take care of ticket number one, and schedule that trip around school, work, part-time work, doctor’s visits, etc, Teen gets ANOTHER TICKET. Oh, there’s a story there, too, Truvy.
Teen was going five over in a school zone.
And the call I got from Teen was so disturbing. Teen never cries, not ever. In sad movies, I try to find tears. If a softball smacks Teen in the chin, still no tears. Crying is rare. So, a bawling Teen on the phone at the same time school is starting was very unnerving. I couldn’t understand one word. I thought, “Uh oh. This is it. There’s been an accident.”
As I started to pack up my laptop to race out of the building, I finally understood four words……
“I (sob) got (sob) a (sob) ticket (SOB)!”
Um, what?
Did we NOT just GET a ticket two weeks ago? Like, to the day? What did they teach you in that $300 driving school anyway??
BUT WAIT! It gets better!
Why, oh why, would Teen be speeding in a school zone? Teen drives to school every day. Well, folks, it is like this. Teen was on a road that was foreign:
“See, I just turned onto Roadway (not the street’s real name, to protect the innocent) out of the school parking lot. I didn’t see any signs that it was a school zone until I started speeding up. I saw the sign and started to slow down, and that is when I got pulled over. Mom, I just started crying! And he got mad at me for crying.”
“What were you doing leaving the school?”
“I got to campus and realized………..”
WAIT FOR IT………..
“I only had one shoe.”
WTH??
“What? One shoe? Why did you not have a shoe? Did you drive barefoot?” as I raced into a conference room to finish this conversation. Fear of the worst was now being replaced with incredulity.
“I thought my shoes where in the car, but only one was!”
“There are TWO pairs of shoes RIGHT BY THE KITCHEN DOOR you walked through to get to your car!”
So, now there are TWO tickets to take care of; Teen has to pay for them and the increase in insurance. I have had two tickets in my entire driving career! No telling what happens to a 16-year-old with two tickets in two weeks’ time with less than a year on the road……
Stay Tuned!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Are You Ready?
Football season is back!! LOVE to watch pro football. It is the only sport I follow. Not a follower of college ball. I didn’t go to a university with a popular-conference team. Although, many years after graduation, they did make it to a bowl game. However, how hard is it any more to get into a bowl game? There are a million of them. I know that there weren’t that many when I was growing up. Now, every snack item, fruit, drink, product, company has a bowl game. Who decided that 5 or 6 solid days of college ball was the way to ring in the new year?? I missed that on the voting ballot.
Back to pro ball. My team is sucking so far this year. They have so many young, talented players with SO many offensive options EVERY play!! It is very disheartening and discouraging. I agree with the D.J. on the radio who said today, “I won’t have any finger nails left after this Sunday!”. I need to plan to eat some queso dip and nap. That is about the only way to stay sane right now with a 0-2 start to the prestigious season. I tend to yell at the television, which is not even productive and makes the dogs run and hide. I think we need a new coach. Oh, as if we haven’t had plenty of those in the last 15 years. SIGH. But, I am a fan and will continue to cheer them on. I am way too connected to their wins and loses. It is like when my child was pitching. EEK!! I was more nervous than my kid! I sometimes just have to NOT watch.
Candy, no?
Is it okay to eat candy corn before 10:00 a.m.? See, I think it is. I also think it is okay to eat ice cream before noon (no, I am not eating ice cream in the morning, but hey, I give you all permission). I think that when several items are pressed upon you to complete ALL AT ONCE and your most endearing workmate is calling you ‘sister wife’ all morning (do not worry she knows who she is), you are allowed to eat candy corn at any given time. I know, I know. There are TONS more luscious candies out there beside CC, but it is FALL (refer to earlier blog) and CC fits the mood. I only had 5 pieces.
One year, I brought out a Pottery Barn vase that we’d received as a Christmas present one year (love it!) and filled it with candy corn and Indian corn (YES, that is the name of it from the manufacturer, don’t get all ‘you’re not being PC’ on me) alternately for decoration. It was really pretty on the kitchen counter and I did not eat a one. However, a good friend of ours kept dipping into them when visiting…..even though I mentioned that they were for decoration. Guess that shows how well they hold up over time! Oh, and as a kid, one of the first prizes that I won was a cake walk at the Halloween carnival. I chose the chocolate one with the pumpkins and candy corn trim!! Go Autumn Mix!! Who says “Autumn” anymore???
I browsed the Halloween candy isle to see what treats they have in store this year. Candy is EXPENSIVE! I have to buy 10 to 12 bags of candy for the trick or treators that swarm our hood. I will have to start buying early in order to not feel the financial strain all at once! Luckily, no eggs are needed in the creation on Halloween candy. Can you imagine the chaos? Again, thanks Iowa. Tons of new Wonka candies out there, btw. I didn’t realize that Charlie had reopened the factory after all these years (since the 1970’s!).
One year, I brought out a Pottery Barn vase that we’d received as a Christmas present one year (love it!) and filled it with candy corn and Indian corn (YES, that is the name of it from the manufacturer, don’t get all ‘you’re not being PC’ on me) alternately for decoration. It was really pretty on the kitchen counter and I did not eat a one. However, a good friend of ours kept dipping into them when visiting…..even though I mentioned that they were for decoration. Guess that shows how well they hold up over time! Oh, and as a kid, one of the first prizes that I won was a cake walk at the Halloween carnival. I chose the chocolate one with the pumpkins and candy corn trim!! Go Autumn Mix!! Who says “Autumn” anymore???
I browsed the Halloween candy isle to see what treats they have in store this year. Candy is EXPENSIVE! I have to buy 10 to 12 bags of candy for the trick or treators that swarm our hood. I will have to start buying early in order to not feel the financial strain all at once! Luckily, no eggs are needed in the creation on Halloween candy. Can you imagine the chaos? Again, thanks Iowa. Tons of new Wonka candies out there, btw. I didn’t realize that Charlie had reopened the factory after all these years (since the 1970’s!).
Friday, September 24, 2010
Let’s Talk About Pets, Baby
If you got that the title of this blog is a play off of a song from back in da day, you’re cool! :`). My pets are so cuddly and cute and love it when they lay in my lap, but they are the last ones. Yep, after these two go to Doggy Heaven (which I have been assured they do via a cartoon from back da day, too!), no more pets. The newer one is way too up-chucky and I don’t like to have to worry about their care when we travel. Not that we travel much, which I would like to remedy, but still. It is a hassle and costly. I could actually GO on a decent trip for the money I spend on their care each year. Not to mention the extra costs incurred due to illness (yes, the perfect little bday present had skin cancer, bless his little heart!).
I love animals of all kinds, especially dogs. But I look forward to the day of not hearing the pitter-patter of little feet. They chew wires and toilet paper and Kleenex and carpet and rugs and dirty clothes. It is like living with big rodents. They don’t do this all of the time; it is random sneak attacks. Just out of the blue, they decide to revert to cave-dog attitudes. And they are very overweight (as is their owner); we are too lazy to take them for daily walks, let alone twice a day! They chase each other around the house and up and down the stairs; you would think that was enough. They do not like diet dog food – can’t blame them – and we do really well in not feeding them people-food.
ALTHOUGH, they do tend to find all kinds of snacks and tidbits in the teen’s purse, bookbag, bedroom, couch cushions, etc….they are like Templeton the Rat in “Charlotte’s Web”. So they are kinda on the same two-year's to go timeframe that the rest of the household is counting down. Bless the teen's heart! The elder of the pets is extremely resourceful and can eat just about anything. We think he is part goat. Ice cream sanwiches seemed to be the only thing to take him down. I discovered what he'd eaten by the tiny cows I could JUST see in the mess I was cleaning up. He likes Harry & David chocolate covered cherries, too. He likes them so much, that he stole an 8 oz bag of blueberries and hid them in the far upstairs bedroom where no one dares to tread. He hid them in the lower section of the trundle bed. Who says dogs aren't smart? He also hid a beautifully wrapped and decorated sugar cookie (it was a wedding favor that the child of 11 had been planning to eat) in the cushion area of the recliner. Quite the little deviant, no?
Where’s My Sanity?
Sanity, oh sanity! Wherefore art thou, sanity?? Oh, yes, that’s right. I totally forgot. My almost-seventeen-year-old has driven you away. Gray hairs are flowing in as well. It isn’t fair! Life used to be so easy. Although, I hear that when you sanity COMPLETELY goes, you don’t even realize it. I am in the novacane has not kicked in yet stage, I suppose. Where is the Calgon? Take me away! Trying to juggle work, home, child-rearing, dog-rearing, pay bills, shop, cooking & cleaning up, laundry, remember birthdays and send cards & presents as needed is OVERWHELMING. I used to enjoy life. Now it is just a CHORE. Is there any way to get the joy back?
Now it is fall and time to decorate the house for the wonderful changing of the season. Oh, right, this is TX. The leaves might not even change! Sometimes it is cold on Halloween and sometimes it is burning up. That is why I have a Halloween sweater and a Halloween t-shirt. Never know which one to wear! I don’t even want to THINK about November and December. We have so many birthdays in those two months, it is as bad as not shuffling the cards well after the first round of the card game, War, and all of the aces and kings are all bunched up together. I am all for just sending money or gift cards. Not because I don’t like to shop (heaven forbid you should think that of me!) but because it is hard to ship everything or get the right item. The girls are easy to buy for; the boys are the difficult ones. All of the boy toys (no, this is not another Madonna reference) are very expensive. One game is the cost of two presents! I am not a Hilton or a Rockefeller. Would be nice, wouldn’t it??
Reminds me, I didn’t know that the Hiltons had sold their hotels. Guess the parents were worried about their offspring and the name-brand value possible decline. Get while the gettin’s good!! HA!
Sorry, tangent. Back to Christmas. The list of what to buy for whom continues to grow and yet I am not sure how. My child only wants expensive stuff so that limits what I will buy for said child. At this time, my ROI in said child is slim pickings so why would I stuff a bunch of bling in a stocking? Coal is looking mighty good right about now! Through all of this pain are the many social events of the season that only remind me that I am huge and completely out of size proportion with the real world. And have to wear heels!! Do NOT get me started on that topic. By the time an event is over, I can’t feel my toes.
I am working out but there won’t be any difference if I don’t stop going through the drive-thru’s (see previous blog entry that has been totally ignored by the author) and eating chocolate and drinking cokes at work. On the weekends, I don’t inhale food, just while at work. Another good argument for working remotely……
Again, has anyone seen the Calgon??
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
FA Breeze Man!
Do us all a favor and do not spray heavily perfumed sprays into the office air! We are always freezing up here and that is due to the great circulation of air via all of these air vents. And guess what?? The spray CARRIES quickly! It is rather unnerving because just think how fast OTHER airborne things must flow! Heaven help us.
Now, I do wish the restrooms had a nice ventilation system and had spray in there. That would be greatly appreciated. The restroom situation is truly worth allowing us to work from home.
Now, I do wish the restrooms had a nice ventilation system and had spray in there. That would be greatly appreciated. The restroom situation is truly worth allowing us to work from home.
The Door to Door to Door People
I think I was in a Dr. Sueuss novel…..In a recent doctor office visit to a new doctor, I witnessed total consummation of reality and childhood story book!
Sitting in a hall, chair against the wall, I found many travelers having a ball!
They would travel here and there and everywhere.
From door to door to door they go! How do they not step on each others’ toes?
Not five minutes it seemed to me that they would be.
Then they would leave one place to walk through to another space!
The traffic pattern was amazing! I could not help but continue gazing!
How does the front desk lady know? The timers chime and it is time to go!
Sitting in a hall, chair against the wall, I found many travelers having a ball!
They would travel here and there and everywhere.
From door to door to door they go! How do they not step on each others’ toes?
Not five minutes it seemed to me that they would be.
Then they would leave one place to walk through to another space!
The traffic pattern was amazing! I could not help but continue gazing!
How does the front desk lady know? The timers chime and it is time to go!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I WANT MY WE
You know, I pay a lot for my HD Digital television service. And I watch T.V. all of the time. I work hard. I deserve to be treated well by my provider. We is gone. Yes, the wonderful channel that boasts “Bridezillas”. Now, you are saying to yourself, ‘Why do you watch that type of show?’ I am here to tell you that I love it. It is quite redneck and white trash and keeps me grounded.
See, much of one side of my family would be suitable for that show. They and their many generations roughly 16 years apart would! I have climbed the mountain, but must remember the valley. So I watch it and recall that it is a slippery slope my friends, a very slippery slope. Also, some of the peeps on the show are way beyond anything I could imagine and most Hollywood writers could not make up. This in itself is worth the hour of time. Marathons of the show are the best! Thank goodness for the DVR. It is nice to be able to skip the commercials, and it is a great show to do the elliptical to; makes the time fly! I really like it when the weddings are in this area. That cracks me up! My favorite, though, is the one in Oklahoma when a tornado was coming. Outdoor wedding with no backup plan, of course! Rain on everything and everyone, including the food. And all the “décor” (I use that word very loosely here) blew over. I know that rain is supposed to foretell of a beautiful marriage, but I don’t think a tornado does. I think that tornado was QUITE the premonition.
Speaking of which, “Premonition” is a good movie. A good Sandra Bullock dramatic role. If you haven’t seen it, you need to rent it. Bullock was great in “28 Days” (not the scary movie, the rehab movie) and should have won an Oscar for that role instead of for the football movie. The football movie was great, but anyone could have played her role and Tim McGraw’s role. Love ‘em both but the two kids were the better roles.
See, much of one side of my family would be suitable for that show. They and their many generations roughly 16 years apart would! I have climbed the mountain, but must remember the valley. So I watch it and recall that it is a slippery slope my friends, a very slippery slope. Also, some of the peeps on the show are way beyond anything I could imagine and most Hollywood writers could not make up. This in itself is worth the hour of time. Marathons of the show are the best! Thank goodness for the DVR. It is nice to be able to skip the commercials, and it is a great show to do the elliptical to; makes the time fly! I really like it when the weddings are in this area. That cracks me up! My favorite, though, is the one in Oklahoma when a tornado was coming. Outdoor wedding with no backup plan, of course! Rain on everything and everyone, including the food. And all the “décor” (I use that word very loosely here) blew over. I know that rain is supposed to foretell of a beautiful marriage, but I don’t think a tornado does. I think that tornado was QUITE the premonition.
Speaking of which, “Premonition” is a good movie. A good Sandra Bullock dramatic role. If you haven’t seen it, you need to rent it. Bullock was great in “28 Days” (not the scary movie, the rehab movie) and should have won an Oscar for that role instead of for the football movie. The football movie was great, but anyone could have played her role and Tim McGraw’s role. Love ‘em both but the two kids were the better roles.
Medical Research
Don’t get all excited. I didn’t grow a scientific brain overnight and heading back to school. I am referring to medical research via the Web. This is dangerous!
I hurt my wrist last week and for five days, it continues to hurt. I think it is a sprain but have no clue what I did to it nor how to fix it. And, unfortunately, I make my living using both of my hands. Ibuprofin was not working, so I decide to skip the doctor’s visit and do a self-check up online. BIG MISTAKE. The types of sprains were so scary that I am now in denial of any pain. Pain, what pain? Aleve is fine…….oh, that little jerk whenever I bend my wrist to type, oh no, that’s nothing. Have you researched symptoms and cures online? OMG! We might as well just call Kavorkian right now. And one symptom leads to links to research others…….I think I am about ready for the walk into the woods all alone (reference to Native American tradition of just going off to die; I saw it in a couple of movies, so it must be true, right?).
Forget about anything remotely minor. These sites will scare you into guzzling cough syrup. Oh, and that will probably have horrible after-effects too! No way to win.
As for the wrist, I tried a few of the “help tips”. They are not working, but it is feeling much better on its own. I think the cause was having to carry all the breakfast cooking items from 3 miles away, on foot, all on my own, that did it. Pretty sure. I’d put money on it. Now, for the rash on my calves, per the online stuff, I have malaria or Ganges River disease.
I hurt my wrist last week and for five days, it continues to hurt. I think it is a sprain but have no clue what I did to it nor how to fix it. And, unfortunately, I make my living using both of my hands. Ibuprofin was not working, so I decide to skip the doctor’s visit and do a self-check up online. BIG MISTAKE. The types of sprains were so scary that I am now in denial of any pain. Pain, what pain? Aleve is fine…….oh, that little jerk whenever I bend my wrist to type, oh no, that’s nothing. Have you researched symptoms and cures online? OMG! We might as well just call Kavorkian right now. And one symptom leads to links to research others…….I think I am about ready for the walk into the woods all alone (reference to Native American tradition of just going off to die; I saw it in a couple of movies, so it must be true, right?).
Forget about anything remotely minor. These sites will scare you into guzzling cough syrup. Oh, and that will probably have horrible after-effects too! No way to win.
As for the wrist, I tried a few of the “help tips”. They are not working, but it is feeling much better on its own. I think the cause was having to carry all the breakfast cooking items from 3 miles away, on foot, all on my own, that did it. Pretty sure. I’d put money on it. Now, for the rash on my calves, per the online stuff, I have malaria or Ganges River disease.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Book Review
If you have not read any of the books by Jen Lancaster, you must! She is the queen of to-the-point via point-blank writing of memoirs. She loves Candance Bushnell, but no way. I've read Bushnell. Lancaster is better. WAY better. I didn't even like Sex And The City until I saw the movie. I have since gone back to watch all of the six seasons except the last two episodes which were on the online DVD that was DAMAGED. I read the Sex And The City book and hated it. It was depressing. It was like reading "Less Than Zero". If you want to be depressed, just read THAT book......
So you need to start with "Bitter is the New Black" because that is her first book. Her adjectives and newly created nouns (f-tard is just one example) rival those of W!! All of the books are fantastic. IF you are offended by f-bombs, then you probably won't want to read the books. But if you don't mind or can just ignore them........OMG.........you're in for a great ride!
I saw her in person in Dallas. She did a reading and autograph session. We bounded over how our dogs smell like corn chips. She says corn chips; I say Fritos. But I am not licensed to say Fritos.
I again want to compliment Jen on her works and her site. Just in case she ever reads my blog. Since I know she can't respond to the emails.......JEN, you are better than CANDICE! Smiles and cheers! Culture Up!
So you need to start with "Bitter is the New Black" because that is her first book. Her adjectives and newly created nouns (f-tard is just one example) rival those of W!! All of the books are fantastic. IF you are offended by f-bombs, then you probably won't want to read the books. But if you don't mind or can just ignore them........OMG.........you're in for a great ride!
I saw her in person in Dallas. She did a reading and autograph session. We bounded over how our dogs smell like corn chips. She says corn chips; I say Fritos. But I am not licensed to say Fritos.
I again want to compliment Jen on her works and her site. Just in case she ever reads my blog. Since I know she can't respond to the emails.......JEN, you are better than CANDICE! Smiles and cheers! Culture Up!
Again with the Shopping!
Okay, obviously, the people who need to read my blog ARE NOT. Again with the shopping! Today’s experience was so comedic. It could be its own half-hour show. Three co-workers, shopping for foodstuffs, at a mega store, for a team event. Need I say more? The threat of “I will put you in this cart; I should have brought the monkey backpack with the child leash on it; get this bread because it is 20 cents a loaf cheaper [that was me, dear reader!]; do they sell bowls here?” as well as the great milk and juice debate was priceless. I am so totally bummed that I did not have my phone’s camcorder going. It would go viral in a heartbeat!!
Really, why would you buy nuts to grind them to a powder? IF that was a need in this world, don’t you think they would sell nut powder (and not the kind that guys use after a workout)? Real maple syrup? At triple the cost of high-fructose corn syrup? For THESE ingrates? PU-LEASE. And what adult household in America doesn't have a handmixer in it?
Oh, don't worry. I hid my badge. I didn't want anyone to know what company we all worked for; I needed a fake Dunder-Mifflin ID or something.
There were too many bags for one person to carry in the end, but one person doing the shopping would have been much faster. Now, tomorrow, the BIG DAY. Can we mix and chop and whip and griddle in a small non-house kitchen? Will the fuses hold? Where's the Swiffer?? And thank God one of us bought eggs prior to the GREAT EGG FAMINE OF 2010. Thanks, Iowa, for screwing up one of the most basic food items on the planet by not keeping your crap clean. Last week, we couldn't get our favorite desserts at a restaurant due to the egg scarcity [we were in the same parking lot as a Super Target, so why didn't the sous chefs just run over there for some eggs]. Now my dang neighbors are going to run out and buy chickens for their backyards to add to their freakin' gardens that grow over the shared fence line. And my dog eats the crap and pukes all over the place! Sorry.........I digress.
Note: Why does my husband not use the headphones that I bought him?? I don't want to hear his YouTube perusals from the Mac or his laptop. I'm trying to BLOG here.......
Really, why would you buy nuts to grind them to a powder? IF that was a need in this world, don’t you think they would sell nut powder (and not the kind that guys use after a workout)? Real maple syrup? At triple the cost of high-fructose corn syrup? For THESE ingrates? PU-LEASE. And what adult household in America doesn't have a handmixer in it?
Oh, don't worry. I hid my badge. I didn't want anyone to know what company we all worked for; I needed a fake Dunder-Mifflin ID or something.
There were too many bags for one person to carry in the end, but one person doing the shopping would have been much faster. Now, tomorrow, the BIG DAY. Can we mix and chop and whip and griddle in a small non-house kitchen? Will the fuses hold? Where's the Swiffer?? And thank God one of us bought eggs prior to the GREAT EGG FAMINE OF 2010. Thanks, Iowa, for screwing up one of the most basic food items on the planet by not keeping your crap clean. Last week, we couldn't get our favorite desserts at a restaurant due to the egg scarcity [we were in the same parking lot as a Super Target, so why didn't the sous chefs just run over there for some eggs]. Now my dang neighbors are going to run out and buy chickens for their backyards to add to their freakin' gardens that grow over the shared fence line. And my dog eats the crap and pukes all over the place! Sorry.........I digress.
Note: Why does my husband not use the headphones that I bought him?? I don't want to hear his YouTube perusals from the Mac or his laptop. I'm trying to BLOG here.......
Totally Committed
I have a very good argument as to why I need to stop eating fast food. Never mind that my huge belly and butt and thighs are poster children for “no more drive-thru!!” , and Morgan’s wonderfully insightful ‘Supersize Me’ was quite compelling. The real kicker is the drive-thru lines. Too much time in the line; wasting gas, wear and tear on my car, scrambling for loose change that always slips out of my fingers just as I pull up to the window. But the worst is the morning hunt for food that leads to the LONG lines at the drive-thru window. I finally experienced the worst morning line ever and it really must be the end-all of the fast food pursuit.
The golden arches spot is renown for its cuisine and speediness (and the fact that they really do have the best soft drinks in the industry, hands down). With the full moon, I guess the stars aligned to attack not one, but all three of the registers in the drive-thru. None of us innocently jamming to the morning radio (XM Radio ROCKS!) and contemplating which gourmet items to order and which drink to pair with it had a clue that the normal 4 minutes would stretch into 15! Yes, it took 8 cars over 15 minutes to get through the drive-thru! This just added to my stress level since I was trying so very hard to get to work as quickly as possible to put in my hours in order to leave at a decent time!! Who would have thunk it?? Bless the interior staff – they were ringing up inside and outside orders and even the order boards were not working. The window dude (who looks like he should be playing baseball) yelled the order out to the register dude and chicky food bagger. It was quite interesting and reminded me of the old SNL skit of “cheeseburger, cheeseburger, Pepsi!” John B and Dan A routine. But once committed, what can you do? You are sandwiched into that drive-thru line. There is no exit plan. You just have to play Sardine and stay where you are…….so you might as well order while you’re there!
So, I had to work later than I wanted. So much for cooking from scratch tonight! But no drive-thru food. Gotta stay out of those lines!
After-Note: I cooked from scratch three nights in a row!!
The golden arches spot is renown for its cuisine and speediness (and the fact that they really do have the best soft drinks in the industry, hands down). With the full moon, I guess the stars aligned to attack not one, but all three of the registers in the drive-thru. None of us innocently jamming to the morning radio (XM Radio ROCKS!) and contemplating which gourmet items to order and which drink to pair with it had a clue that the normal 4 minutes would stretch into 15! Yes, it took 8 cars over 15 minutes to get through the drive-thru! This just added to my stress level since I was trying so very hard to get to work as quickly as possible to put in my hours in order to leave at a decent time!! Who would have thunk it?? Bless the interior staff – they were ringing up inside and outside orders and even the order boards were not working. The window dude (who looks like he should be playing baseball) yelled the order out to the register dude and chicky food bagger. It was quite interesting and reminded me of the old SNL skit of “cheeseburger, cheeseburger, Pepsi!” John B and Dan A routine. But once committed, what can you do? You are sandwiched into that drive-thru line. There is no exit plan. You just have to play Sardine and stay where you are…….so you might as well order while you’re there!
So, I had to work later than I wanted. So much for cooking from scratch tonight! But no drive-thru food. Gotta stay out of those lines!
After-Note: I cooked from scratch three nights in a row!!
Cell Phone Usage
Let's take a moment and ponder the use of cell phones while walking pets (yes, I will use 'pets' because some people walk other critters than just dogs) and/or walking the family. It is bad enough to see a family at a restaurant with fingers and thumbs all a go-go, but during outside activities!! I really have seen it all. The point of getting outside is to RELAX, DE-STRESS, RECONNECT, DISCONNECT THE BRAIN. Talking and texting on the cell phone does none of these. Look, I am not saying you have to join Oprah's No Phone Zone (BTW, has anyone researched how many people have signed her 'contracts' over the years and the success/follow-thru rate? Might make for a good PhD study) club but it is important to not be connected 24 x 7.
A few weeks ago, I left my phone charger at the office. My phone battery ran out and the phone was OFF for over 48 hours. I could have driven the seven miles to the office to get the charger, but decided against it. And unlike so many people, I only have 1 charger. I really enjoyed not being at everyone's beck and call! It was a nice break. I was not interrupted during reading time, walking time, TV time or nap time. It was wonderful. Try it sometime.
For those of you who text and chat while exercising or strolling with the pets/family, you might rethink that pattern. Just sayin'.
A few weeks ago, I left my phone charger at the office. My phone battery ran out and the phone was OFF for over 48 hours. I could have driven the seven miles to the office to get the charger, but decided against it. And unlike so many people, I only have 1 charger. I really enjoyed not being at everyone's beck and call! It was a nice break. I was not interrupted during reading time, walking time, TV time or nap time. It was wonderful. Try it sometime.
For those of you who text and chat while exercising or strolling with the pets/family, you might rethink that pattern. Just sayin'.
Monday, August 9, 2010
My Arms, My Arms!!
Okay, I’m not a huge gadget-collector. I am confessing, though, that I bought a Shake Weight (and a Thigh-Master back in the day, which I still own and use). Go ahead…..LAUGH. “Laugh it up, fuzzball.” And if you recognize that quote, you are a keeper!
Holy S Balls!! The Shake Weight just about broke my arms. It is a 6-minute workout routine and I could not make it through the whole thing. I died on the shoulders routine. I was just fine until that part. My arms are now like jell-o (no Cosby reference here) and I probably won’t be able to dress myself in the morning. I still don’t think this will qualify me for WFH [office jargon for work from home] but it SHOULD. Remind me to get to that topic one of these days…..
So back to Earthquake Weight, since it cracked me. I was only on rep 4 on the right side and I started to sweat bullets. Not the good kind of sweat, either. It was the “OMG, I am about to puke, where’s the toilet?” sweat. I half-assed made it through rep 8, then Lindsay said “SWITCH SIDES” with this huge smile and perfect upper body. I did as commanded and the left arm completely failed me. I think it fell off and the little dog ran off with it, but I blacked out and can’t substantiate that. I think the exercise fairy attached it for me. And then stupid Lindsay said “You’re almost there!!” WHERE?? HELL??
Who would have ever thought a two pound maracas-sounding PVC pipe device would be so devious!! They need a warning sign: Do not use if you are totally Jabba the Hut out of shape!
I am only able to type via voice recognition software. Don’t tell IT that I installed it.
P.S. For those of you who made comments about "was the hubby drooling", no. I didn't tell him that I bought it. And, no, my flappying flabby arms are not for his viewing pleasure. Nor is Lindsay! :`)
Holy S Balls!! The Shake Weight just about broke my arms. It is a 6-minute workout routine and I could not make it through the whole thing. I died on the shoulders routine. I was just fine until that part. My arms are now like jell-o (no Cosby reference here) and I probably won’t be able to dress myself in the morning. I still don’t think this will qualify me for WFH [office jargon for work from home] but it SHOULD. Remind me to get to that topic one of these days…..
So back to Earthquake Weight, since it cracked me. I was only on rep 4 on the right side and I started to sweat bullets. Not the good kind of sweat, either. It was the “OMG, I am about to puke, where’s the toilet?” sweat. I half-assed made it through rep 8, then Lindsay said “SWITCH SIDES” with this huge smile and perfect upper body. I did as commanded and the left arm completely failed me. I think it fell off and the little dog ran off with it, but I blacked out and can’t substantiate that. I think the exercise fairy attached it for me. And then stupid Lindsay said “You’re almost there!!” WHERE?? HELL??
Who would have ever thought a two pound maracas-sounding PVC pipe device would be so devious!! They need a warning sign: Do not use if you are totally Jabba the Hut out of shape!
I am only able to type via voice recognition software. Don’t tell IT that I installed it.
P.S. For those of you who made comments about "was the hubby drooling", no. I didn't tell him that I bought it. And, no, my flappying flabby arms are not for his viewing pleasure. Nor is Lindsay! :`)
Just An Ordinary Weekday
Apple Etiquette – 2
OMG!! Again with the apple!! This time, the dang apple is as large as a softball. And the chomping of it during work hours is like a horse eating a horse apple (technically, it is the fruit from a Bois d’arc Tree). I am really quite perturbed. This is so disturbing; even Bon Jovi and Madonna on the MP3 can’t cover up that sound. I think it is more vibrations than sound at this point. I will try the Beastie Boys next……..
This apple epidemic must stop. I am putting apple sauce on my Christmas list for a particular individual......
REALLY?? Chip-boy behind me.......
4 Minutes to Save the World
JT and Madonna – they are the reason for my making it through the afternoon! Jammin’ and staying sane while working for the man. Oh, and JT says “Don’t be a prima donna” in the song, so it must have been written for me [No, I am not a ballerina; I prefer 80’s dance music. This endearing term is what my hubby calls me whenever he feels that I am high livin’. He has no idea how LOW MAINTENANCE I really am.] The story goes that they had four more minutes in the studio and came up with this song on the fly based on ‘what would you do if you only had four minutes’. Quite a snappy last-minute creation, I must say. “We only got 4 minutes to save the world!” I HEART MUSIC!
OMG!! Again with the apple!! This time, the dang apple is as large as a softball. And the chomping of it during work hours is like a horse eating a horse apple (technically, it is the fruit from a Bois d’arc Tree). I am really quite perturbed. This is so disturbing; even Bon Jovi and Madonna on the MP3 can’t cover up that sound. I think it is more vibrations than sound at this point. I will try the Beastie Boys next……..
This apple epidemic must stop. I am putting apple sauce on my Christmas list for a particular individual......
REALLY?? Chip-boy behind me.......
4 Minutes to Save the World
JT and Madonna – they are the reason for my making it through the afternoon! Jammin’ and staying sane while working for the man. Oh, and JT says “Don’t be a prima donna” in the song, so it must have been written for me [No, I am not a ballerina; I prefer 80’s dance music. This endearing term is what my hubby calls me whenever he feels that I am high livin’. He has no idea how LOW MAINTENANCE I really am.] The story goes that they had four more minutes in the studio and came up with this song on the fly based on ‘what would you do if you only had four minutes’. Quite a snappy last-minute creation, I must say. “We only got 4 minutes to save the world!” I HEART MUSIC!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Bachelorette Continued
Day 5, Mon: Delivered the critter-company back to their home. The two of them reminded me of Fraggles. Do you remember “Fraggle Rock”?? (Bet that earworm will play in your head all night now!) They were so fluffy and jumpy and those tails were just like the Fraggle tails. I did make a wrong turn on my way. This may sound benign but it isn’t. This is my old stompin’ ground! I should be able to drive blind-folded.....well, maybe not, but you know what I mean. All this progress is throwing my internal GPS into a tizzy. The “wrong exit” cost me 20 mins. And since I am still sailing along in the teen mobile, 20 mins is a big deal! My knee is now officially killing me and Aleve is my new best friend. I might have to have knee surgery after this week, so this “freedom week” might be more expensive than originally planned.
I wolfed down a cheeseburger and fries from Braum’s and it was WONDERFUL on the drive home because it was 8:00 p.m. and I was starving. Watched T.V. and read until really late and threw the furniture covers a.k.a. sheets into the washing machine. I also have many bruises from the monkey-pups who sailed through the air right into my unsuspecting and unprepared lap.
P.S. My critters are missing the other critters. It is quite sad. The little one lies by the back door, thinking that the Fraggles are outside. I don’t care; I am not getting him a puppy to play with!
Day 6: FACIAL DAY!! I am working all day (got in early in order to fulfill my duty of 8 hours of work – that’s its own blog topic!) and going straight to the spa after work!! I am getting a 45 minute facial and CANNOT WAIT. I just want to relax and not have to think for awhile.
I do have some house stuff to accomplish this evening but I want to catch up on my reading since I haven’t tackled the next big book I want to get to: “The Girl Who Played with Fire”. I used to be part of a book club and loved meeting once a month to discuss books. I should look into joining another book club, but the words of my hubby ring in my head: "Oh that's exactly what you need. Another NON-active hobby." I HEART READING!
I only have 2 more evenings to myself. No telling when I will get this much time off again! :`).
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Bachelorette - Day 4
Silly me; I thought with all my free time that I would have time to blog! Well, blogging means starting the computer, logging into the site (why is the full email account needed??) and trying to focus. Recap of the weekend:
Day 2, Fri: worked, got home, played with the critters and ate leftovers. Tried to watch an old movie but fell asleep out of boredom. It was neat to see so many of the 'old stars', like Elizabeth Taylor, Rock Hudson and Tony Curtis. Online movie queue has many "classics" in it, but I don't have the patience for the older movies right now. I will have to clean up that queue! I am on the final season of Sex and The City (NO.....I don't have HBO.....YES.....I am way behind the times!), but have seen both of the movies. The first movie made me want to watch the show. Go figure. After my 1.5 hour "nap" from falling asleep during the movie [I wound up fast-forwarding to the end], I read for a bit then watched some recorded reality T.V. until midnight. Gotta make the most of all my minutes!
Day 3, Sat: cleaned, ran errands, had some waxing done (this last-minute appointment messed up my timing to go see tourney games) where the lady was wonderful and tried to talk me into a bikini wax. NO thank YOU. I am too scared. I did, however, schedule a facial with her. Went to a movie with my great friend, T. Went to see a dear, wonderful friend in the hospital and spent hours with her. God Bless her!! Going through a rough treatment regiment. She needed someone to watch her pups for a couple of days, so I volunteered and drove out to my old home town to get her babies. I spent the evening introducing the pups to my critters. The critters all loved one another and were up "puppy partying" until 12:30 a.m. They then proceeded to get me up at 5:00 a.m. to GO OUTSIDE. You wouldn't believe how gorgeous the stars are at 5 in the morning.....not a sight I usually see unless I am rushing to the airport to get to Vegas!
Day 4, Sun: very tired from the Puppy Party. Basically, the dog park has come to my house. These dogs are flyng around the house like they have wings and sail into my lap!! Sometimes it is like the circus and sometimes it is like WWF matches! Seriously, they are all getting along amazingly well, so I am having fun watching them (and I nap when they nap). I feel like a mom of triplets :`). I ventured upstairs to Teen Land (the place where the teen chain originated) to find a tornado had hit. Debris was everywhere! I needed a shovel and a wheelbarrow to clean it up. I am glad our town has huge recycling bins.......someone has a shopping problem. All the bags and boxes and price tags.......eek!!! Maybe I don't want her to have a job afterall. All she does is blow it on STUFF. Running out of room for STUFF. I can also see signs that the four-legged critters have visited. Several chewed up items found amongst the teen-debris. Washed her linens (I don't know why........she is supposed to do that.....but I think they were beginning to come to life like zombies and I couldn't risk being attacked). Paid bills, cleaned the fridge, finished teen laundry and watched television. Oh! I watched "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" from 1992. Okay, seriously, Luke Perry would have been THE PERFECT Edward in "Twilight" if it had been made in the 90's. He is so much cuter than Robert P, and I am pretty sure Luke P showers, which makes him an even better catch.
*Ending the evening with "Mad Men". That Don Draper is one fine hunka man!
Day 5 will consist of work and delivering the power-pups back to their house in the evening. I just know that my critters will be sad to see them go, but their house needs some rabid barking too!
**Added a link to Jen Lancaster's Blog site "Jennsylvania". You need to read it!**
Day 2, Fri: worked, got home, played with the critters and ate leftovers. Tried to watch an old movie but fell asleep out of boredom. It was neat to see so many of the 'old stars', like Elizabeth Taylor, Rock Hudson and Tony Curtis. Online movie queue has many "classics" in it, but I don't have the patience for the older movies right now. I will have to clean up that queue! I am on the final season of Sex and The City (NO.....I don't have HBO.....YES.....I am way behind the times!), but have seen both of the movies. The first movie made me want to watch the show. Go figure. After my 1.5 hour "nap" from falling asleep during the movie [I wound up fast-forwarding to the end], I read for a bit then watched some recorded reality T.V. until midnight. Gotta make the most of all my minutes!
Day 3, Sat: cleaned, ran errands, had some waxing done (this last-minute appointment messed up my timing to go see tourney games) where the lady was wonderful and tried to talk me into a bikini wax. NO thank YOU. I am too scared. I did, however, schedule a facial with her. Went to a movie with my great friend, T. Went to see a dear, wonderful friend in the hospital and spent hours with her. God Bless her!! Going through a rough treatment regiment. She needed someone to watch her pups for a couple of days, so I volunteered and drove out to my old home town to get her babies. I spent the evening introducing the pups to my critters. The critters all loved one another and were up "puppy partying" until 12:30 a.m. They then proceeded to get me up at 5:00 a.m. to GO OUTSIDE. You wouldn't believe how gorgeous the stars are at 5 in the morning.....not a sight I usually see unless I am rushing to the airport to get to Vegas!
Day 4, Sun: very tired from the Puppy Party. Basically, the dog park has come to my house. These dogs are flyng around the house like they have wings and sail into my lap!! Sometimes it is like the circus and sometimes it is like WWF matches! Seriously, they are all getting along amazingly well, so I am having fun watching them (and I nap when they nap). I feel like a mom of triplets :`). I ventured upstairs to Teen Land (the place where the teen chain originated) to find a tornado had hit. Debris was everywhere! I needed a shovel and a wheelbarrow to clean it up. I am glad our town has huge recycling bins.......someone has a shopping problem. All the bags and boxes and price tags.......eek!!! Maybe I don't want her to have a job afterall. All she does is blow it on STUFF. Running out of room for STUFF. I can also see signs that the four-legged critters have visited. Several chewed up items found amongst the teen-debris. Washed her linens (I don't know why........she is supposed to do that.....but I think they were beginning to come to life like zombies and I couldn't risk being attacked). Paid bills, cleaned the fridge, finished teen laundry and watched television. Oh! I watched "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" from 1992. Okay, seriously, Luke Perry would have been THE PERFECT Edward in "Twilight" if it had been made in the 90's. He is so much cuter than Robert P, and I am pretty sure Luke P showers, which makes him an even better catch.
*Ending the evening with "Mad Men". That Don Draper is one fine hunka man!
Day 5 will consist of work and delivering the power-pups back to their house in the evening. I just know that my critters will be sad to see them go, but their house needs some rabid barking too!
**Added a link to Jen Lancaster's Blog site "Jennsylvania". You need to read it!**
The Bachelorette
Just shy of 19 years of marriage and a mom of a 16-yr-old, I am a bachelorette for one whole week!! I am still in charge of the two four-legged critters but we all know that they are easy to maintain compared to the two-legged critters. Since the car heading north took off this morning at 6:00 a.m., I had all day to plan out my week of freedom. No cooking, very little cleaning and laundry and I can watch whatever I want on the “good” T.V.!!
I have to say that the automobile situation is a bit of a sacrifice. I am used to a much taller, bigger auto. It has been a while since I drove a “teen mobile”. Needless to say, I had to make some adjustments: seat, mirror, dashboard clearing, radio station resetting and taming the key chain.
Let me describe the teen-chain. It is over a foot long, hangs from the ignition where it hits your knee as you drive, and consists of a minimum of ten key chains and a few keys. Each key chain hooks onto another, or several on one, whichever you prefer. Bling is of the upmost importance. The more bling, the better. And it weighs around 5 lbs. The amount of metal and jingling will cause one to be stopped at security when entering a professional environment, and I would expect as well through the metal detectors installed at the local high school (I will have to address this with Unnamed Teen). This is the price of having to sacrifice my car for the greater good. Unnamed Teen informed me via text [the preferred communication channel] that I was to be VERY careful with the teen-chain because of the priceless bling and the order of the key chains was established in a particular manner. Something about the order of the dangles and the continued equilibrium of the universe. I don’t know; I just live here. I was able to extract the car key and the key fob from the massive chain of gum-ball machine goodies so that I won’t have to be stopped by security again. Plus, I have a bad knee and the banging of the chain against it aggravates it. The treadmill\elliptical adventures from the summer are to blame for the knee....but that is another blog.
Night blog: I worked all day, went to the grocery store after work for the week's sustenance and watched television ALL night! Read until 11:00 p.m.; have to get up as normal for working on Friday. Even though the spouse swears that I will be playing hookey, that is not the case.
I have to say that the automobile situation is a bit of a sacrifice. I am used to a much taller, bigger auto. It has been a while since I drove a “teen mobile”. Needless to say, I had to make some adjustments: seat, mirror, dashboard clearing, radio station resetting and taming the key chain.
Let me describe the teen-chain. It is over a foot long, hangs from the ignition where it hits your knee as you drive, and consists of a minimum of ten key chains and a few keys. Each key chain hooks onto another, or several on one, whichever you prefer. Bling is of the upmost importance. The more bling, the better. And it weighs around 5 lbs. The amount of metal and jingling will cause one to be stopped at security when entering a professional environment, and I would expect as well through the metal detectors installed at the local high school (I will have to address this with Unnamed Teen). This is the price of having to sacrifice my car for the greater good. Unnamed Teen informed me via text [the preferred communication channel] that I was to be VERY careful with the teen-chain because of the priceless bling and the order of the key chains was established in a particular manner. Something about the order of the dangles and the continued equilibrium of the universe. I don’t know; I just live here. I was able to extract the car key and the key fob from the massive chain of gum-ball machine goodies so that I won’t have to be stopped by security again. Plus, I have a bad knee and the banging of the chain against it aggravates it. The treadmill\elliptical adventures from the summer are to blame for the knee....but that is another blog.
Night blog: I worked all day, went to the grocery store after work for the week's sustenance and watched television ALL night! Read until 11:00 p.m.; have to get up as normal for working on Friday. Even though the spouse swears that I will be playing hookey, that is not the case.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Orbitz Commercials
Okay, I love television. I am addicted to it. I would not be able to go one week without television. Oprah has challenged peeps to do this in order to save on their carbon footprint, but I wear a size 8 and that's not much of a footprint. :`).
I adore the new Orbitz "Dirty Mouth" commercials! The ones where they 'clean up' the dirty words. "That's one bad micky ficky" was the first one that dawned on me. The first few times I saw the commercials, I did not catch what the people sitting around were doing. I was focused on the new packaging (quite snazzy and almost tie-dyed looking) and usually am watching DVR'd programs where I can just fly through the commercials, and I can't always understand that British accent - blame that on Gordon Ramsey because his yelling on Hell's Kitchen has totally turned me off of accents for awhile now. Although, I did enjoy the English accents in Las Vegas during the World Cup match between USA and UK. There were guys wearing the ENTIRE soccer a.k.a futbol uniforms, including knee socks and white shoes!! If our male fans start wearing capri leggings with their Cowboys or Packers or Steelers jerseys, we are in a world of hurt.....but I digress.
I laugh hysterically every time I see those commercials. I need to find them on the Internet to play during the day when I need some comedic relief and when I need some new replacement words. :`).
*Side Note: I don't fast-forward through the Sonic commercials, either. They are way too entertaining!
**Side, Side Note: How many women is Don Draper going to sleep with?? Now it's his secretary and his pretend-marriage daughter. UG!
I adore the new Orbitz "Dirty Mouth" commercials! The ones where they 'clean up' the dirty words. "That's one bad micky ficky" was the first one that dawned on me. The first few times I saw the commercials, I did not catch what the people sitting around were doing. I was focused on the new packaging (quite snazzy and almost tie-dyed looking) and usually am watching DVR'd programs where I can just fly through the commercials, and I can't always understand that British accent - blame that on Gordon Ramsey because his yelling on Hell's Kitchen has totally turned me off of accents for awhile now. Although, I did enjoy the English accents in Las Vegas during the World Cup match between USA and UK. There were guys wearing the ENTIRE soccer a.k.a futbol uniforms, including knee socks and white shoes!! If our male fans start wearing capri leggings with their Cowboys or Packers or Steelers jerseys, we are in a world of hurt.....but I digress.
I laugh hysterically every time I see those commercials. I need to find them on the Internet to play during the day when I need some comedic relief and when I need some new replacement words. :`).
*Side Note: I don't fast-forward through the Sonic commercials, either. They are way too entertaining!
**Side, Side Note: How many women is Don Draper going to sleep with?? Now it's his secretary and his pretend-marriage daughter. UG!
TMI
Warning: This post is NOT in reference to my friends. It is simply an observation of the public at-large.
Let’s discuss TMI – TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I must have a face that says “Please, please, tell me your deepest, darkest secrets” because I fall victim to TMI more times than I can count. I catch it more often than strepp throat. I blame texting and IM’ing. I think people are less “face time” connected and feel it is easier to share it all via text and IM. I don’t need to hear about your rashes, your allergies, your midnight escapades, your cramping (yes, it is okay to share amongst the closest of friends…..), your intestinal issues; the list goes on and on.
Be kind to your neighbor; don’t share too much! Be selective on what information you share and with whom you share information. Once words are said/typed, images come to mind. These images are then forever emblazoned upon the brain to then pop up at the most unwanted and inappropriate times! If I don’t know you well, I really don’t want to hear about skin conditions or diseases or how unkempt your pool is or therapy experiences. And, even though this seems unrelated, public scratching falls into my definition of TMI. I don’t want to see you scratching!! Get some lotion or something………
I blame Oprah. We all feel empowered to share everything now and that’s not always a good thing. As in creative writing: KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. Compose yourself and control yourself on the sharing. TMI can be harmful to the receiver.
*As a note to the 'emblazoned on the brain' part, I don't need your icky images in my brain cells IF/WHEN my brain is played back to me in Heaven. I have this feeling (call it memories of cartoons as a kid or all those chain emails over the years) that on my day of judgement, God [or St. Peter] will replay all of my actions and I'll be held accountable for said actions. I sure don't need any more negative baggage in my brain!
Let’s discuss TMI – TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I must have a face that says “Please, please, tell me your deepest, darkest secrets” because I fall victim to TMI more times than I can count. I catch it more often than strepp throat. I blame texting and IM’ing. I think people are less “face time” connected and feel it is easier to share it all via text and IM. I don’t need to hear about your rashes, your allergies, your midnight escapades, your cramping (yes, it is okay to share amongst the closest of friends…..), your intestinal issues; the list goes on and on.
Be kind to your neighbor; don’t share too much! Be selective on what information you share and with whom you share information. Once words are said/typed, images come to mind. These images are then forever emblazoned upon the brain to then pop up at the most unwanted and inappropriate times! If I don’t know you well, I really don’t want to hear about skin conditions or diseases or how unkempt your pool is or therapy experiences. And, even though this seems unrelated, public scratching falls into my definition of TMI. I don’t want to see you scratching!! Get some lotion or something………
I blame Oprah. We all feel empowered to share everything now and that’s not always a good thing. As in creative writing: KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. Compose yourself and control yourself on the sharing. TMI can be harmful to the receiver.
*As a note to the 'emblazoned on the brain' part, I don't need your icky images in my brain cells IF/WHEN my brain is played back to me in Heaven. I have this feeling (call it memories of cartoons as a kid or all those chain emails over the years) that on my day of judgement, God [or St. Peter] will replay all of my actions and I'll be held accountable for said actions. I sure don't need any more negative baggage in my brain!
Apple Etiquette
Today I would like to cover the etiquette of eating an apple in public.
Please, for the love of God, do not eat a whole apple in public. To be more clear, do not eat an unsliced apple in public. No one wants to see you chomping and slurping while trying to get in one of your nine fruits & veggies for the day. If you insist on eating fresh fruit (canned is much more suited to public consumption), be sure to do your peeling and slicing and dicing out of the public spectrum. That way, when it is time to consume your fruit, it will not be annoying.
Apples are as bad as chips. They are LOUD. YOU are LOUD when you are eating an apple. I am certain that pears fall into this category as well, but few people openly munch on whole pears in public. Looks like the Pear Institute did their marketing correctly!
Be aware of your surroundings and do not continue to torture your workmates, schoolmates, picnic-mates, mass-transit-mates……you get the drift.
Now that you know to cut your apple into slices before consumption, be sure to have the good sense that your mama gave you to NOT TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL. Seriously?? Grown-ups are supposed to know better. Trust me, nothing you have to say other than “I am bleeding, I am having a baby, or I am choking” is important enough for you to talk with food in your mouth.
Practice apple etiquette and make everyone's day a nicer experience.
Please, for the love of God, do not eat a whole apple in public. To be more clear, do not eat an unsliced apple in public. No one wants to see you chomping and slurping while trying to get in one of your nine fruits & veggies for the day. If you insist on eating fresh fruit (canned is much more suited to public consumption), be sure to do your peeling and slicing and dicing out of the public spectrum. That way, when it is time to consume your fruit, it will not be annoying.
Apples are as bad as chips. They are LOUD. YOU are LOUD when you are eating an apple. I am certain that pears fall into this category as well, but few people openly munch on whole pears in public. Looks like the Pear Institute did their marketing correctly!
Be aware of your surroundings and do not continue to torture your workmates, schoolmates, picnic-mates, mass-transit-mates……you get the drift.
Now that you know to cut your apple into slices before consumption, be sure to have the good sense that your mama gave you to NOT TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL. Seriously?? Grown-ups are supposed to know better. Trust me, nothing you have to say other than “I am bleeding, I am having a baby, or I am choking” is important enough for you to talk with food in your mouth.
Practice apple etiquette and make everyone's day a nicer experience.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Host
If you are running errands with a co-worker or a friend or some other random person where the store you are shopping at is your "regular" store, you are the HOST. Therefore, the key thing to do is to drive the cart. You know the store; they do not. This is imperative if you are on a time limit, such as lunch hour (not lunch two-hour.....) or are ADD or are not particularly fond of your shopping partner (this tends to be the case at the holidays....). Providing directions to someone who is not used to the store can be frustrating. And if they are easily distracted by "shiny objects" [picture Dory from 'Nemo' here], you will have a hard time keeping them on task. It is amazing how extra items appear in the cart at the checkout counter!
Oh, and if they do grab the cart first, you can try to take it back during the walk-through time, but this is not a guarantee of gaining control. Take control from the get-go! Worse-case, if you are non-confrontational, then practice GYOC: get your own cart. You can at least play "follow the leader" and be in and out as soon as possible.
You may be asking, "Why is this such an important thing?" Well, some of us are fast and efficient shoppers. We are not browsers. We like to take a list and get in & out ASAP. Browsing is for the days when the kids are at practice and it is too hot or too cold to sit and watch them (kids will tend to get annoyed and/or hurt by this, but it probably helps build character). Or when you are avoiding going home (insert your own reasons here) or are extremely early to a party because Mapquest told you it would take 42 minutes and you were there in 15...... Sorry, I digress.
Remember: BE THE HOST
Oh, and if they do grab the cart first, you can try to take it back during the walk-through time, but this is not a guarantee of gaining control. Take control from the get-go! Worse-case, if you are non-confrontational, then practice GYOC: get your own cart. You can at least play "follow the leader" and be in and out as soon as possible.
You may be asking, "Why is this such an important thing?" Well, some of us are fast and efficient shoppers. We are not browsers. We like to take a list and get in & out ASAP. Browsing is for the days when the kids are at practice and it is too hot or too cold to sit and watch them (kids will tend to get annoyed and/or hurt by this, but it probably helps build character). Or when you are avoiding going home (insert your own reasons here) or are extremely early to a party because Mapquest told you it would take 42 minutes and you were there in 15...... Sorry, I digress.
Remember: BE THE HOST
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